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Rouying/.
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That mash potato Rouying Rou means gentle, Ying means intelligent.That is why I am so cool Love me not, it's your choice, your decision. 15 going sweet 16 on 13 September. A pretty much typical virgo. ♥11V15. ///Polaroids/Photos/Cameras/Lollipop/Necklace/Polar Bears/YOU/// Follow me on Twitter, Stalk me on Facebook and chat me on MSN Once a Loyalty-ian, forever a Loyalty-ian<3 |
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Just answer all my doubts, will you?
Saturday, January 9, 2010 So this is a heart== i agree the grping thingy sucks KEWT! for my art-.- yuck, but i love it(: nice taken during homec, coz i was TOO BORED. shannon's photos taken this wk. Oh lame. Today was PTC and cca orientation. Reported for duty, shit, damn hard to find blazer that i can wear-.- Then i do LY alone, i feel so proud of myself. LOL. Yeaps. the sandwiches look tempting. Wear blazer damn hot. Lower sec boys wore long pants too. Khe liang doesn't look weird, i'm so amazed! :P Okay...duty ovr but 11.15 must go back agn. Went to CDC thr, shout scream watsoever. Then went to find 1IT, found them at the hall. Huijun say they very notti. Whr got, IT is hyper, not notti(: Then folo-ed them ard for awhile, kip asking them to join cdc, but it was dao-ed== Hmm...then go lt1, talk talk for awhile crap crap. Then went to canteen, go guitar thr. OMG, sherwin's joining guitar. holy shyt. HAHA yea yea. have to go back for duty. stand thr collect forms. BORING like dk wat. then suddenly parents all come out at the same time. so many ppl o.0 Hmmm....yea. z. nth much to say. Err...waited for iris' dad for 1hr. HAHA. tompang me to tampines. Met my mum, ate pastamania. not as nice as i tot it would be. Then home, coz i was rly damn tired. Hmm...did my compo, and half way of art. I shall do maths and biji ltr. so guai. Hais. Idk what i had done wrong? Why? Can't he just stay away from me? Why can't he just talk abt other things? Why must he make my life so miserable when it's alr so miserable? Why? Why doesn't it turns out as i wanted it to be? Why must he say that on purpose? WHy must it be today? He knw that and he done it on purpose Why? Dint i told you i dun bear? Why must i put up a strong front when i knw i could not handle it? Why can i nly cry in frnt of my comp? Why can't a just cry infront of you, you and you? Why izit so hard to find someone that understands me well enuf? Izit cause i'm too domineering? too petty? too insensitive? too arrogant? Why am i still crying over you? Why am I regretting for making this choice? Why do i still like you when i made the decision? Why does everything seem so screwed? Does it rly matters so much whether you win anot? Why am i so stubborn? It is just a matter of time? Why am i still struggling when i knw that it is impossible? I still feel the same, do you? Idk what to do now, can you tell me? If i have to sacriface everything for this answer, i won't mind. Is that really what you wan? I'm stuck in a maze. Thr's always a way out in a maze no matter hw complicated it is. But is my maze an exceptional one that have no way out, or am I lying to myself that this is a maze with no way out? If this is a usual maze, then show me the way out. I want to see the light agn, i dowan to be in this total darkness that would nvr come to an end....someone tell me hw...and i only noe YOU can give me the answer.... Is heaven rly a paradise? Ms tan: wat makes u think of that question? Me: dk. (actually i noe the answer to it.) Ms tan: hmm.. well, heaven and hell exists in your heart Me: heaven seems to be a kewl kewl place Ms tan: if u have no problems, then the place is heaven.. but there's always problems because human beings have desire. so there's no such place as heaven.. (desires....yes...i have my own desires, that's why i'm in this state. ) Me: lol. HAHA. then wat abt hell? Ms tan: hell means a place where there are always sufferings . eg: a person can have family problems, r/s problems, work problems all occuring at the same time, so that itself is a state of hell it may not be a physical place .(i agree....not a physical place...I think i'm living in hell now...bad things happening all at the same time...tell me what to do?) Me: heaven sounds like a paradise. i wan to go thr. Ms tan: as u have said " sound like" means may not be Me: so i nid go thr and see whether it's true. even it isn't at least i had a try(: HAHAHAHAH Ms tan: there's no way u cna go there.. unless u die.. but nobody will know whether thre'e heaven and if u really tried and found it, how are u goin to inform people on earth?? (That's the point, i feel like dying. My heart is dead...Thr isn't a diff) Me: i dun nid to inform ppl on earth. i just wan to know whether thr's such a place...it's just an answer to myself... if thr's rly a place, it would be awesome Ms tan: but thats very selfish ma other ppl may also wan to know the answer Me: i'm one of those "other ppl" so i wan to know the answer by venturing it myself (: I wan to go to heaven...If I have to die in order to get to heaven, i dun mind. As long as i can free myself frm this torture, will sacriface anything... My live isn't worth much without YOU. Even if heaven is not a real place, when i die, i will be free frm these troubles...will someone just grant me this wish? Maybe i just need YOU. YOU are my heaven, Spending time with YOU is great. Without YOU, everything has a 180 degree change. YOU have gave me heaven, but YOU gave me hell too. If YOU nvr existed, what will happen? But YOU existed, i can't get YOU off my mind, YOU tell me what to do, cause YOU are my answer to it, but YOU don't know. Just YOU can tell me WHY and WHAT Labels: I love you too much until i lie to myself |
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